garden angel
tim pezzelle
2013-08
~~
~~
on a friday afternoon, in a desert garden near a place of hurt and healing, i had what i hope will remain my most selfish moment. minutes earlier, i found myself stumbling out of the surgeon's office. his words were full of pain and compassion - as though he knew what the next minutes, hours and days would be like. without pulling a single punch, he softened the blows as best he could.
~~
the cancer in sherry's body had sprung out of control - beyond what any of the scans had revealed. so much so that a routine kidney stint was impossible to complete. watching me carefully, he delivered the news - shifting the care he had extended to sherry now toward me.
~~
there are moments like this in our lives - coming face to face with the reality that any control we think we have is an illusion. it's like standing a few yards too far in the ocean and being caught off guard by an undertow too powerful to fight. we are swept off our feet and into unfamiliar territory.... sink or swim.
~~
i sank.
~~
i sank into the garden in front of mayo clinic hospital. it's a beautiful place in the spring - alive and vibrant. i made it as far as the second bench and sat. and then the tears started. as boys we are taught to "tough it out".... "walk it off".... "big boys don't cry".... these tears were beyond the control of any of those useless guidelines.
~~
it was just plain old uncontrollable sobbing. as the consequences of what just happened began to sink in, the emotional response escalated. i have to tell sherry... i have to tell the girls... i have to tell her family, and my family... i have to finish walking the girls into their lives.... i have to face a future without her...
~~
i... i... i... with each "i", the self pitying tears poured out.
~~
and then i felt her hand on my back and took the cup of water she offered. a nurse, on a break - trying to find a few minutes of escape from the suffering and need of those she serves. "what's her name?", she asked. "where is she now?". "do you have children?". "what are their names?". "how old are they?". "how did you meet her?". "how long have you been married?". "take another drink.". "tell me what happened.".
~~
her hand on my back was calming. the water was distracting. and her questions gently pulled me back from a dark place.
~~
"behold, i am with you always - even unto the ends of the earth". it felt like the end of the earth. but there He was - in the form a young woman with an older soul. there He was - helping me rehearse what i would need to repeat so many times that day.
~~
and then the blessing.... "it's okay for you to feel all these things you're feeling. but in a little while she is going to need to know that you are okay. she's going to need to know that those daughters can count on you. she's going to need to know that you still trust God. that's the ministry she needs now, and you are the minister God chose for her.".
~~
there He was - reminding me that the world doesn't revolve around me. an angel in a garden in the middle of one of life's messier moments.... pointing me back in the right direction.
~~
sometimes we need an angel - and there He is. sometimes He needs an angel - and there we are. there is a time, a season, to have your needs met... and a time, a season, to be the comfort another needs.
~~
be an angel. that's my hope - that i can be an angel when He needs one.
~~
"behold, i am with you always...". He really is.... always...
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Letter (to a loving army of family and friends)
2010-06
i am forced, by the sheer weight of the debt i owe, to offer my thanks.
to our friends afar, whom we haven't seen for entirely too long.... you have held us up in prayer. what a great, humbling honor it is to be the target of your heartfelt prayers. you believe in a God with limitless reach and you ask Him to look after us. it is the very best of what you have to offer and tears come as i ponder the wonder of this. for your generosity in fighting the spiritual battle on our behalf, we are grateful. thank you.
to our friends close by, whose presence is a constant reminder that we are never forsaken or abandoned... you too have carried us in your prayers, but God has given you the opportunity to embody those prayers with action. you have seen with your own eyes our frailty, and have stood in the gap. taking that stand sometimes means that you're hip deep in muck you'd rather not be in; but there you are... strong when we are not, faithful when we are tired, present when we need a friend. thank you.
to our family near and far who would drop everything at any moment and give all they can.... you make us a great family. Pezzelles, Woodruffs, Boyds, McBrides, Hawthornes, Stidhams, Morrises. how long will i lean on you before you get tired? my prayer for us all is that God will reveal himself more and more to all of us; that He will capture our hearts before they beat their last - so that the final homecoming will be all the more joyous! thank you.
to amy and paige, the finest young women i know.... it is pure joy to be your dad. we are great team, getting better day by day. your care for me is obvious and adorable. your love for each other is so gratifying. may the God of all wonder make His home in your hearts forever! thank you.
to sherry, who changed our lives forever.... you made me a better man than i ever could have been. you introduced me to Jesus. you stood by me when i would have walked away. you believed my impossible dreams. you raised amazing daughters. you took care of us. we miss you. terribly. thank you.
to God, Sovereign and Everlasting.... thank you for this life.... exactly the way you planned it. it is perfect. thank you.
love
tim
i am forced, by the sheer weight of the debt i owe, to offer my thanks.
to our friends afar, whom we haven't seen for entirely too long.... you have held us up in prayer. what a great, humbling honor it is to be the target of your heartfelt prayers. you believe in a God with limitless reach and you ask Him to look after us. it is the very best of what you have to offer and tears come as i ponder the wonder of this. for your generosity in fighting the spiritual battle on our behalf, we are grateful. thank you.
to our friends close by, whose presence is a constant reminder that we are never forsaken or abandoned... you too have carried us in your prayers, but God has given you the opportunity to embody those prayers with action. you have seen with your own eyes our frailty, and have stood in the gap. taking that stand sometimes means that you're hip deep in muck you'd rather not be in; but there you are... strong when we are not, faithful when we are tired, present when we need a friend. thank you.
to our family near and far who would drop everything at any moment and give all they can.... you make us a great family. Pezzelles, Woodruffs, Boyds, McBrides, Hawthornes, Stidhams, Morrises. how long will i lean on you before you get tired? my prayer for us all is that God will reveal himself more and more to all of us; that He will capture our hearts before they beat their last - so that the final homecoming will be all the more joyous! thank you.
to amy and paige, the finest young women i know.... it is pure joy to be your dad. we are great team, getting better day by day. your care for me is obvious and adorable. your love for each other is so gratifying. may the God of all wonder make His home in your hearts forever! thank you.
to sherry, who changed our lives forever.... you made me a better man than i ever could have been. you introduced me to Jesus. you stood by me when i would have walked away. you believed my impossible dreams. you raised amazing daughters. you took care of us. we miss you. terribly. thank you.
to God, Sovereign and Everlasting.... thank you for this life.... exactly the way you planned it. it is perfect. thank you.
love
tim
the Gospel - Promises, Promises
the Gospel, Promises, Promises
tim pezzelle
2010-05
this was a letter written to sherry's attending internist at Mayo Clinic Hospital. on the day sherry left Mayo, she extracted a promise to read about Jesus from her doctor. later, she asked me to follow up and see to it. maybe you'll find something encouraging here....
Dear Dr. ______________
As you know, my sweet Sherry passed on April 20. You were a very important part of our lives for a brief moment and I know that Sherry, for her part, connected with you. The bracelet will remain a treasured reminder of the wonderful care provided not only by you, but the entire Mayo organization. Sherry was cared for; but more important is the fact that Sherry was cared about.
I have a theory that explains why Sherry felt so deeply about you (and Dr. __________). Scripture tells us that we have the capacity to love because we are recipients of God’s love (1 John 4:19) - we love in response to love. Sherry was responding to your level of investment in her well being. She felt cared about, so she cared in return. We all did. I understand that survival in your profession requires a certain detachment – thank you for suspending that to some degree for Sherry’s sake.
If Sherry played the “you can’t deny a dying woman a last request” card, I want to make it easy for you to keep your promise to read about Jesus. My hope is that you already know most of what’s really important just by what you saw in Sherry’s character. If you don’t know Jesus at all, please do read the brief paragraphs that follow. If you do know Jesus, then I can simply rejoice!
Most people, Christians included, confuse “religion” and “Christianity”. Simply put, “religion” is man’s pursuit of God. I can’t prove that God exists, or that Christianity is the valid expression of God (as these are truths received by faith). But I can build a pretty convincing argument about the existence of God just by observing the remarkable things people will do to try to ease the ache. Bookstores and libraries are filled with strategies for living a happy life. We’re searching for something to bring balance or completion to lives that are out of whack. We ponder our existence and try to manufacture meaning where there seems to be only a void. We’re chasing God. Sometimes the chase leads us down paths we never dreamed we’d follow – but the ache persists. We self-medicate, self-improve, self-aware…. And still we ache. We chase after a cure until we find one that makes it possible to live from day to day. Most of the time, the cure to which we cling is no cure at all and only hurts us in the long run. That’s religion in its various shapes and sizes – man’s attempt to treat an ache we can’t even name.
Christianity is God’s pursuit of man. The ache we so desperately try to soothe is a built-in symptom of a broken relationship. We are separated from the God who loves us and we feel the hurt of that separation even though we may not know the cause. No amount of our effort can bridge the gap, but God is the Great Physician, and is able to mend the broken relationship and heal the hurts. Jesus is God’s pursuit of man. In the person of Jesus, God made flesh, the broken relationship between God and man is restored. In the person of Jesus we are reconciled with our maker. In the person of Jesus, all that would separate us from being whole is overcome. In the person of Jesus, Sherry had peace regardless of circumstance.
The Judeo-Christian bible is a love story. It tells the remarkable story of God’s pursuit of man thru the ages. It measures God’s love for us according to the outstretched arms of Jesus on the cross. It remains the best place to start a journey toward healing and reconciliation. Sherry lived a reconciled relationship with God, and because of that she had nothing to fear - life was to be lived on purpose for the glory of God and death was merely the final step into the presence of God.
You, and all those who cared for her at Mayo held a special place in Sherry’s heart because you are healers – a “God ministry” if ever there was one. You did more than care for Sherry, you cared about Sherry. This makes you heroes in my book. I can’t imagine how I might ever be able to serve you, but I will remember you to the God of creation and pray that His hands would lead your hands as you minister to those in need in a fallen world.
With love and kindest regards
Tim Pezzelle
tim pezzelle
2010-05
this was a letter written to sherry's attending internist at Mayo Clinic Hospital. on the day sherry left Mayo, she extracted a promise to read about Jesus from her doctor. later, she asked me to follow up and see to it. maybe you'll find something encouraging here....
Dear Dr. ______________
As you know, my sweet Sherry passed on April 20. You were a very important part of our lives for a brief moment and I know that Sherry, for her part, connected with you. The bracelet will remain a treasured reminder of the wonderful care provided not only by you, but the entire Mayo organization. Sherry was cared for; but more important is the fact that Sherry was cared about.
I have a theory that explains why Sherry felt so deeply about you (and Dr. __________). Scripture tells us that we have the capacity to love because we are recipients of God’s love (1 John 4:19) - we love in response to love. Sherry was responding to your level of investment in her well being. She felt cared about, so she cared in return. We all did. I understand that survival in your profession requires a certain detachment – thank you for suspending that to some degree for Sherry’s sake.
If Sherry played the “you can’t deny a dying woman a last request” card, I want to make it easy for you to keep your promise to read about Jesus. My hope is that you already know most of what’s really important just by what you saw in Sherry’s character. If you don’t know Jesus at all, please do read the brief paragraphs that follow. If you do know Jesus, then I can simply rejoice!
Most people, Christians included, confuse “religion” and “Christianity”. Simply put, “religion” is man’s pursuit of God. I can’t prove that God exists, or that Christianity is the valid expression of God (as these are truths received by faith). But I can build a pretty convincing argument about the existence of God just by observing the remarkable things people will do to try to ease the ache. Bookstores and libraries are filled with strategies for living a happy life. We’re searching for something to bring balance or completion to lives that are out of whack. We ponder our existence and try to manufacture meaning where there seems to be only a void. We’re chasing God. Sometimes the chase leads us down paths we never dreamed we’d follow – but the ache persists. We self-medicate, self-improve, self-aware…. And still we ache. We chase after a cure until we find one that makes it possible to live from day to day. Most of the time, the cure to which we cling is no cure at all and only hurts us in the long run. That’s religion in its various shapes and sizes – man’s attempt to treat an ache we can’t even name.
Christianity is God’s pursuit of man. The ache we so desperately try to soothe is a built-in symptom of a broken relationship. We are separated from the God who loves us and we feel the hurt of that separation even though we may not know the cause. No amount of our effort can bridge the gap, but God is the Great Physician, and is able to mend the broken relationship and heal the hurts. Jesus is God’s pursuit of man. In the person of Jesus, God made flesh, the broken relationship between God and man is restored. In the person of Jesus we are reconciled with our maker. In the person of Jesus, all that would separate us from being whole is overcome. In the person of Jesus, Sherry had peace regardless of circumstance.
The Judeo-Christian bible is a love story. It tells the remarkable story of God’s pursuit of man thru the ages. It measures God’s love for us according to the outstretched arms of Jesus on the cross. It remains the best place to start a journey toward healing and reconciliation. Sherry lived a reconciled relationship with God, and because of that she had nothing to fear - life was to be lived on purpose for the glory of God and death was merely the final step into the presence of God.
You, and all those who cared for her at Mayo held a special place in Sherry’s heart because you are healers – a “God ministry” if ever there was one. You did more than care for Sherry, you cared about Sherry. This makes you heroes in my book. I can’t imagine how I might ever be able to serve you, but I will remember you to the God of creation and pray that His hands would lead your hands as you minister to those in need in a fallen world.
With love and kindest regards
Tim Pezzelle
God With Us
God With Us
tim pezzelle
Christmas 2010
Immanuel - God with us.
In Genesis, God appeared to a naked, frightened Adam and Eve. "Where are you?". A question posed solely for their benefit, not God's. They had lost their way and the best solution they could find was to hide. Lost and hiding, nakedness covered by their own devices. God arrives in the moment of their deepest need, in the middle of the mess they made and greets their self inflicted tragedy with compassion. God will not abide their hiding or ignore their need. but sin has consequences. an animal sacrifice would be required to cover their nakedness. a legacy of separation and struggle, born of a desire to be "like God" was forged that day. Immanuel intervened that day with the promise of heaven's hope for all man. God with us.
Immanuel - God with us.
four thousand years later (and not just a few skinned knees and broken hearts), God appeared again - to seek and save that which had gotten lost. Immanuel. the bridegroom had come for His bride, but she was reluctant. He had come with needle and thread to weave a garment fit for eternity. He had come with a message that there is no sin beyond the reach of His forgiveness. but sin has consequences. once again, we would be reminded that clothing our nakedness would come at a price. Mary treasured these things in her heart. Immanuel. God with us. Golgotha. Once for all. An empty tomb. the legacy broken. God with us.
Immanuel - God with us.
two thousand years later, at the point of my need, in the middle of my mess, God appeared again. "Tim, you are not beyond my reach. You are not without hope and help. Hide and seek is over, I have found you. I have your robe. You are welcome at My table." Immanuel. God with me.
Merry Christmas! Immanuel!
tim pezzelle
Christmas 2010
Immanuel - God with us.
In Genesis, God appeared to a naked, frightened Adam and Eve. "Where are you?". A question posed solely for their benefit, not God's. They had lost their way and the best solution they could find was to hide. Lost and hiding, nakedness covered by their own devices. God arrives in the moment of their deepest need, in the middle of the mess they made and greets their self inflicted tragedy with compassion. God will not abide their hiding or ignore their need. but sin has consequences. an animal sacrifice would be required to cover their nakedness. a legacy of separation and struggle, born of a desire to be "like God" was forged that day. Immanuel intervened that day with the promise of heaven's hope for all man. God with us.
Immanuel - God with us.
four thousand years later (and not just a few skinned knees and broken hearts), God appeared again - to seek and save that which had gotten lost. Immanuel. the bridegroom had come for His bride, but she was reluctant. He had come with needle and thread to weave a garment fit for eternity. He had come with a message that there is no sin beyond the reach of His forgiveness. but sin has consequences. once again, we would be reminded that clothing our nakedness would come at a price. Mary treasured these things in her heart. Immanuel. God with us. Golgotha. Once for all. An empty tomb. the legacy broken. God with us.
Immanuel - God with us.
two thousand years later, at the point of my need, in the middle of my mess, God appeared again. "Tim, you are not beyond my reach. You are not without hope and help. Hide and seek is over, I have found you. I have your robe. You are welcome at My table." Immanuel. God with me.
Merry Christmas! Immanuel!
Elbow Grease
1 Peter 1:6-9
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
elbow grease
by tim pezzelle
2011-01
clutter. over the years i have discovered that i have a high tolerance for clutter. i think this is a characteristic shared by many home-school families. there are always projects of one sort or another in various stages of completion, and i learned early on to interpret this as a good sign: things are happening. i will also confess, however, that clutter isn’t my first choice.
many, many years ago, i received training in the art of luthiery (guitar building). the first lesson, on the first day, we were indoctrinated with the number one rule of guitar building and repair: KEEP YOUR WORK AREA CLEAN. this is obvious; a clean work area helps insure against unwanted damage to the materials you’re working with. today, when i cook, it can be difficult to tell that i’m in the middle of preparations because i tidy up after myself as i go – keeping a clean work area. this is, of course, in stark contrast to my wife, whose approach was to see whether scrambled eggs could make the kitchen look like a seven course meal had been prepared - just one of her many endearing qualities.
back to clutter. i woke up this morning with absolutely no intention of cleaning the master bathroom. i know this because i had successfully avoided cleaning the master bathroom for a very long time. there are reasons for this avoidance, but i won’t try to convince you that they have any merit whatsoever. this room had descended to levels worthy of reality tv – i kid you not.
let the cleaning begin. having reached the point where my reasons for not cleaning were overwhelmed by my need for some order…. the frenzy commenced. i had a vision for what i wanted that room to be, but it would take some work. much of the process was simply de-cluttering; but, there were some areas resistant to an easy fix approach. these areas required cleaners, rags and…
elbow grease…. hard work… determined effort. it was almost like the gauntlet had been thrown down. the master bathroom wasn’t about to change without a fight. so we fought.
i’m just like that master bathroom. my life is cluttered with so many things that keep me from being who God wants me to be. and the cleaning begins. God takes a pass at the low-hanging stuff and it doesn’t hurt so much – and i actually feel better to be rid of it. but He doesn’t stop there. He finds those hard to reach corners and ages old stains. He sees a version of me that i don’t see and He refuses to leave me as i am. His elbow grease can be painful. submitting to that kind of cleaning isn’t fun, and i fight back.
the master bathroom is much better now than it was this morning – but it isn’t perfect. it was stubborn and i was impatient. but i still see what i want it to be and will try to build on what was accomplished. the law of bathrooms dictates that it will tend towards not clean as the days go by and we’ll have to do this all over again….
just like me. i tend toward not so clean, but God still sees what i can become. He is patient and won’t give up. He will send into my life exactly those things that can move me from who i am to whom He wants me to be. the question is, will i submit to His elbow grease? will i allow Him into those messy corners? will i expose those stains and allow myself to be changed?
yes. and no. sometimes i will fight back. so my ongoing prayer will be that God who challenges me will also supply me with everything needed to submit to His handiwork! may it be so!
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
elbow grease
by tim pezzelle
2011-01
clutter. over the years i have discovered that i have a high tolerance for clutter. i think this is a characteristic shared by many home-school families. there are always projects of one sort or another in various stages of completion, and i learned early on to interpret this as a good sign: things are happening. i will also confess, however, that clutter isn’t my first choice.
many, many years ago, i received training in the art of luthiery (guitar building). the first lesson, on the first day, we were indoctrinated with the number one rule of guitar building and repair: KEEP YOUR WORK AREA CLEAN. this is obvious; a clean work area helps insure against unwanted damage to the materials you’re working with. today, when i cook, it can be difficult to tell that i’m in the middle of preparations because i tidy up after myself as i go – keeping a clean work area. this is, of course, in stark contrast to my wife, whose approach was to see whether scrambled eggs could make the kitchen look like a seven course meal had been prepared - just one of her many endearing qualities.
back to clutter. i woke up this morning with absolutely no intention of cleaning the master bathroom. i know this because i had successfully avoided cleaning the master bathroom for a very long time. there are reasons for this avoidance, but i won’t try to convince you that they have any merit whatsoever. this room had descended to levels worthy of reality tv – i kid you not.
let the cleaning begin. having reached the point where my reasons for not cleaning were overwhelmed by my need for some order…. the frenzy commenced. i had a vision for what i wanted that room to be, but it would take some work. much of the process was simply de-cluttering; but, there were some areas resistant to an easy fix approach. these areas required cleaners, rags and…
elbow grease…. hard work… determined effort. it was almost like the gauntlet had been thrown down. the master bathroom wasn’t about to change without a fight. so we fought.
i’m just like that master bathroom. my life is cluttered with so many things that keep me from being who God wants me to be. and the cleaning begins. God takes a pass at the low-hanging stuff and it doesn’t hurt so much – and i actually feel better to be rid of it. but He doesn’t stop there. He finds those hard to reach corners and ages old stains. He sees a version of me that i don’t see and He refuses to leave me as i am. His elbow grease can be painful. submitting to that kind of cleaning isn’t fun, and i fight back.
the master bathroom is much better now than it was this morning – but it isn’t perfect. it was stubborn and i was impatient. but i still see what i want it to be and will try to build on what was accomplished. the law of bathrooms dictates that it will tend towards not clean as the days go by and we’ll have to do this all over again….
just like me. i tend toward not so clean, but God still sees what i can become. He is patient and won’t give up. He will send into my life exactly those things that can move me from who i am to whom He wants me to be. the question is, will i submit to His elbow grease? will i allow Him into those messy corners? will i expose those stains and allow myself to be changed?
yes. and no. sometimes i will fight back. so my ongoing prayer will be that God who challenges me will also supply me with everything needed to submit to His handiwork! may it be so!
Forty-Five Minutes
forty-five minutes
by tim pezzelle (another promise kept)
2011-01
i'm so tempted to dive into the math of it all... forty-five minutes. that's three quarters of an hour.... there are 24 of those in a day... there are 7 of those 24's in a week.... you get the idea. it's a blink of an eye. in the last twelve months, you've lived 11,648 of those little 45 minute spans.... so have i. but for me, there's one forty-five minute stretch that stands out. there's one that i promised to talk about and haven't yet. the time has come.
it was right around this time of year, last year, that we were together on the couch in our family room. i had set sherry's computer up so that she could distract herself from the pain. magic inlay, scrabble.... for hours at a time. she would play and we would talk - maybe the tv was on in the background sometimes. we would go thru the comical process of getting the pillows arranged just right; getting her comfortable - if that's what you'd call it.
here, i'd like to pause and ask you to remember those times in your life when you had to watch someone you love suffer through something. do you remember those words - maybe you said them out loud - "i wish i could trade places with you". every mother has thought those words. it's that hard, isn't it, standing helplessly by? "i wish i could trade places with you".
on this particular night, with pain killers not doing their job, those words kept rolling around in my head. before long, they turned into a prayer. over and over, in various permutations.
and then...
the stabbing pain under my left rib cage. steadily growing until i let out a little groan. isn't it funny how we so easily miss God's most immediate answers to our prayers. this answer was unmistakable. i asked sherry how she was feeling. "i'm fine.... but you don't seem so well... wait.... i'm fine... the pain is gone....".
for forty-five minutes, God let me into her world. for forty-five minutes, God let sherry out of hers. i described the symptoms for her as we both teared up. sherry held me and did for me the very things i had been doing for her, and more.
and now the hard part. gradually, that almost unbearable pain began to retreat. the symptoms eased for me and set in again for sherry. those of you who know me well know that i'm not yet mature enough to not yell at God sometimes. against my pleas "NO, NO.....", sherry tried to reassure me "it's okay... it's okay...". forty-five minutes. God heard my heart and gave us forty-five minutes. i suppose it's at this point that those much smarter than i would be able to derive wonderfully deep spiritual meaning....
i can only say this - God is merciful. he gave us a gift that enabled us to walk together the path he had set. sherry could look at me in the days and weeks that followed, knowing that nothing would take me from her side on this journey. she would know what that look on my face meant. i could look at sherry and understand just a bit better what she was going through. together, we could pray knowing that God hears us.
as time unfolds, i'm sure that God will reveal to me more clearly what those forty-five minutes were all about. but it does occur to me....isn't this exactly what Jesus said, seeing our suffering.... "i want to trade places with them". maybe, just maybe, when we love someone enough to say "i wish i could trade places with you", we touch the hem of love's garment. God loves us that much. God loves you that much. He climbed onto a cross made of wood cut from trees He created... so that we wouldn't have to.
sherry would have you know this.... He wants to trade places with you. regardless of how bad you think it is, He isn't afraid. He welcomes the opportunity.
by tim pezzelle (another promise kept)
2011-01
i'm so tempted to dive into the math of it all... forty-five minutes. that's three quarters of an hour.... there are 24 of those in a day... there are 7 of those 24's in a week.... you get the idea. it's a blink of an eye. in the last twelve months, you've lived 11,648 of those little 45 minute spans.... so have i. but for me, there's one forty-five minute stretch that stands out. there's one that i promised to talk about and haven't yet. the time has come.
it was right around this time of year, last year, that we were together on the couch in our family room. i had set sherry's computer up so that she could distract herself from the pain. magic inlay, scrabble.... for hours at a time. she would play and we would talk - maybe the tv was on in the background sometimes. we would go thru the comical process of getting the pillows arranged just right; getting her comfortable - if that's what you'd call it.
here, i'd like to pause and ask you to remember those times in your life when you had to watch someone you love suffer through something. do you remember those words - maybe you said them out loud - "i wish i could trade places with you". every mother has thought those words. it's that hard, isn't it, standing helplessly by? "i wish i could trade places with you".
on this particular night, with pain killers not doing their job, those words kept rolling around in my head. before long, they turned into a prayer. over and over, in various permutations.
and then...
the stabbing pain under my left rib cage. steadily growing until i let out a little groan. isn't it funny how we so easily miss God's most immediate answers to our prayers. this answer was unmistakable. i asked sherry how she was feeling. "i'm fine.... but you don't seem so well... wait.... i'm fine... the pain is gone....".
for forty-five minutes, God let me into her world. for forty-five minutes, God let sherry out of hers. i described the symptoms for her as we both teared up. sherry held me and did for me the very things i had been doing for her, and more.
and now the hard part. gradually, that almost unbearable pain began to retreat. the symptoms eased for me and set in again for sherry. those of you who know me well know that i'm not yet mature enough to not yell at God sometimes. against my pleas "NO, NO.....", sherry tried to reassure me "it's okay... it's okay...". forty-five minutes. God heard my heart and gave us forty-five minutes. i suppose it's at this point that those much smarter than i would be able to derive wonderfully deep spiritual meaning....
i can only say this - God is merciful. he gave us a gift that enabled us to walk together the path he had set. sherry could look at me in the days and weeks that followed, knowing that nothing would take me from her side on this journey. she would know what that look on my face meant. i could look at sherry and understand just a bit better what she was going through. together, we could pray knowing that God hears us.
as time unfolds, i'm sure that God will reveal to me more clearly what those forty-five minutes were all about. but it does occur to me....isn't this exactly what Jesus said, seeing our suffering.... "i want to trade places with them". maybe, just maybe, when we love someone enough to say "i wish i could trade places with you", we touch the hem of love's garment. God loves us that much. God loves you that much. He climbed onto a cross made of wood cut from trees He created... so that we wouldn't have to.
sherry would have you know this.... He wants to trade places with you. regardless of how bad you think it is, He isn't afraid. He welcomes the opportunity.
Every Kiss Begins With Kay
Every Kiss Begins With Kay
by tim pezzelle (with an assist from sherry)
2011-02
valentine's day is quickly approaching. in a year of "firsts without", it didn't even occur to me that valentine's day would be a struggle. this isn't a holiday that we treasured. sherry's idea of a perfect valentine's dinner was to find a Blimpey's Sub Shop that hadn't closed - she loved Blimpey's. but, if i might risk a moment of utter transparency, valentine's day has been the most difficult "first without" so far. so, to turn this mild depression around, i'm going to journal the sweet story of tim and sherry's "meet cute".
SHE
was a Christian with a family heritage in the churches of Christ going back several generations.
HE
was a heathen, living well outside of anything resembling a relationship with Christ.
SHE
had graduated from David Lipscomb University in the Spring of 1977 and was living and working in Nashville, Tennessee. a visit to see her brother's family in Juneau, Alaska during the summer of 1979 turned into more of a long-term stay. while working for the state government in Juneau, she made two new friends - Cindy and Janine. the three of them began plotting their exit from Juneau beck to the lower forty-eight.
the plotting led them to a deal being offered by one of the major airlines: fly wherever we go for 30 days for a flat fee. too good to pass up, right? so Sherry, Cindy and Janine put their money down and set off for the adventure of a lifetime.... Mexico, from resorts to ruins... on a very tight daily budget.... meals of peanut butter and crackers in resort settings... broken down bus rides into the jungle to see Inca (or is it Aztec) ruins.
HE
had moved from small-town Illinois to Tempe, Arizona to complete his college education at ASU. attending classes but without any direction or passion. going thru the motions and going thru his savings. playing more basketball than studying.... barely getting by in classes.... a typical under-acheiver if ever there was one.
SHE
had returned to Mesa, Arizona in the Spring of 1980 - after her adventures in Mexico and the Caribbean - to spend some time with her parents and shore up her bank account before returning to resume her life in Nashville.
HE
had almost completely run out of savings and needed to continue supporting himself.
THEY
both applied for jobs with Kay Jewelers in the new Fiesta Mall in Mesa. she had extensive retail experience and was an obvious choice to be hired. he had no retail experience and was hired only by the grace of God.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
in a word, no. training for their new jobs was conducted at one of the nice hotels on North Scottsdale Road. he rode his bike (what an idiot!) and walked into the room looking more like a crazed prison escapee than someone soon to be working in a jewelry store. she would later confide that this first impression had her seriously considering quitting before even starting.
SECOND CHANCES
fortunately for him, she didn't quit, and they got to know each other over the ensuing weeks. she was transparent in her relationship with God AND quite attractive AND confident AND independent AND quite attractive AND optimistic AND..... he finally asked her to dinner AND she said yes.
A SICK ROOMMATE / A FIRST KISS
they came home from an evening out to find one of his roommates quite sick - enough to warrant a trip to the ER. waiting on one of the outside balconies at Desert Samaritan hospital, they shared their first kiss. WOW!!!! she was the best kisser in the entire history of kissers.
YOU'RE GOING WHERE?
soon after that first kiss, she announces her intention to return to Nashville. she invites him to ride along to the airport where she hands him a bible and another kiss - to the astonishment of her family.
I PREFER A NICE, HANDWRITTEN SENTIMENT
that summer, they exchanged letters.... he asks questions about God and she answers. he starts going to her family's church... more letters.... he has fallen in love with this God he had misunderstood.... he has fallen in love with this girl who is 2000 miles away. he is baptized, changed forever, because of her.
EXCUSE ME, DID YOU SAY "FLORIDA"
she tells him that she is considering a mission team in florida that will eventually result in relocating to europe for some time. he tells her he'll be on the next plane to change her mind or go with her.
CHANGE IN ITINERARY
instead, she comes back to arizona. turns out, her trip to Nashville was also about a boy there.... but she liked the boy in arizona better.
SHE SAID YES
two months later, he asks and she says "yes". eight months later, they say "i do".
so, you see, every kiss (worth remembering) does begin with kay.
thank you, sherry, for a lifetime of the best kisses - every one now treasured. i'll be at Blimpey's!
by tim pezzelle (with an assist from sherry)
2011-02
valentine's day is quickly approaching. in a year of "firsts without", it didn't even occur to me that valentine's day would be a struggle. this isn't a holiday that we treasured. sherry's idea of a perfect valentine's dinner was to find a Blimpey's Sub Shop that hadn't closed - she loved Blimpey's. but, if i might risk a moment of utter transparency, valentine's day has been the most difficult "first without" so far. so, to turn this mild depression around, i'm going to journal the sweet story of tim and sherry's "meet cute".
SHE
was a Christian with a family heritage in the churches of Christ going back several generations.
HE
was a heathen, living well outside of anything resembling a relationship with Christ.
SHE
had graduated from David Lipscomb University in the Spring of 1977 and was living and working in Nashville, Tennessee. a visit to see her brother's family in Juneau, Alaska during the summer of 1979 turned into more of a long-term stay. while working for the state government in Juneau, she made two new friends - Cindy and Janine. the three of them began plotting their exit from Juneau beck to the lower forty-eight.
the plotting led them to a deal being offered by one of the major airlines: fly wherever we go for 30 days for a flat fee. too good to pass up, right? so Sherry, Cindy and Janine put their money down and set off for the adventure of a lifetime.... Mexico, from resorts to ruins... on a very tight daily budget.... meals of peanut butter and crackers in resort settings... broken down bus rides into the jungle to see Inca (or is it Aztec) ruins.
HE
had moved from small-town Illinois to Tempe, Arizona to complete his college education at ASU. attending classes but without any direction or passion. going thru the motions and going thru his savings. playing more basketball than studying.... barely getting by in classes.... a typical under-acheiver if ever there was one.
SHE
had returned to Mesa, Arizona in the Spring of 1980 - after her adventures in Mexico and the Caribbean - to spend some time with her parents and shore up her bank account before returning to resume her life in Nashville.
HE
had almost completely run out of savings and needed to continue supporting himself.
THEY
both applied for jobs with Kay Jewelers in the new Fiesta Mall in Mesa. she had extensive retail experience and was an obvious choice to be hired. he had no retail experience and was hired only by the grace of God.
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
in a word, no. training for their new jobs was conducted at one of the nice hotels on North Scottsdale Road. he rode his bike (what an idiot!) and walked into the room looking more like a crazed prison escapee than someone soon to be working in a jewelry store. she would later confide that this first impression had her seriously considering quitting before even starting.
SECOND CHANCES
fortunately for him, she didn't quit, and they got to know each other over the ensuing weeks. she was transparent in her relationship with God AND quite attractive AND confident AND independent AND quite attractive AND optimistic AND..... he finally asked her to dinner AND she said yes.
A SICK ROOMMATE / A FIRST KISS
they came home from an evening out to find one of his roommates quite sick - enough to warrant a trip to the ER. waiting on one of the outside balconies at Desert Samaritan hospital, they shared their first kiss. WOW!!!! she was the best kisser in the entire history of kissers.
YOU'RE GOING WHERE?
soon after that first kiss, she announces her intention to return to Nashville. she invites him to ride along to the airport where she hands him a bible and another kiss - to the astonishment of her family.
I PREFER A NICE, HANDWRITTEN SENTIMENT
that summer, they exchanged letters.... he asks questions about God and she answers. he starts going to her family's church... more letters.... he has fallen in love with this God he had misunderstood.... he has fallen in love with this girl who is 2000 miles away. he is baptized, changed forever, because of her.
EXCUSE ME, DID YOU SAY "FLORIDA"
she tells him that she is considering a mission team in florida that will eventually result in relocating to europe for some time. he tells her he'll be on the next plane to change her mind or go with her.
CHANGE IN ITINERARY
instead, she comes back to arizona. turns out, her trip to Nashville was also about a boy there.... but she liked the boy in arizona better.
SHE SAID YES
two months later, he asks and she says "yes". eight months later, they say "i do".
so, you see, every kiss (worth remembering) does begin with kay.
thank you, sherry, for a lifetime of the best kisses - every one now treasured. i'll be at Blimpey's!
Did You Hear That
did you hear that?
tim pezzelle
2011-02
i had a "wow moment" at church last sunday. to properly paint the picture, a little background - if you don't mind. our church provides two simultaneous services: one in the chapel and one in the conference center. each service has live worship music, but the sermon is transmitted from the chapel to the conference center and is projected on three very large screens. the only significant difference between the two venues is that the music in the conference center tends to be louder.
so, i'm picking up my earplugs on the way in to the conference center (that was supposed to be an elegant, humorous segway(sp)) because i'm not really in the mood for full throttle music. we enter, find seats and i put the earplugs in. these things are great; the amplification is loud enough that you can still hear the speakers and the music, but at a comfortable level.
on to the "wow moment". communion has been celebrated and the baskets for the communion cups are making their way around the room. a basket comes to me, i put my cup in the basket and pass it along. we muffed the handoff - the basket, as if in slow motion, begins a painful descent to the floor. but i have these great earplugs in, so i don't hear any of the commotion as the basket lands, cups scatter and heads turn. i'm in an isolated world of silence.
the gentleman to whom i passed the basket makes a very rapid movement to correct the mess. i'm not moving that fast. by the time i have picked up a single cup, he has righted the basked and gotten all the other cups back in place. a moment later, the basket is on it's way again.
now, the "wow moment". i was struck by how desperately he seemed to want to put this behind him and get that basket moving again. i was struck by how meaningless it seemed to me. why did we react so differently to the same situation? am i harboring a secret desire to be disruptive in a church service? i mean, i always put my phone on vibrate. does that sound like the attitude of a wanton disturber of the service? i think not.
the difference between our reactions was the earplugs. to me, the basket fell silently to the floor. the cups scattered without so much as a clink or tinkle. it was like nothing urgent had happened because i didn't hear the crash. i didn't hear the restrained giggles and laughs, and so they weren't happening. i reacted based on the perceived lack of urgency created by my impaired state of hearing.
for the remainder of the service, my thoughts kept returning to imagined things the gentleman next to me must have been thinking.... mostly.... "wow, that clumsy oaf didn't care at all".
how much of my life have i spent this way? walking around with earplugs on. you can take that literally or metaphorically. when you're pouring your heart out to me and i'm not reacting at all the way i should - it's probably because i haven't really heard you. maybe i've heard the words, but missed what your heart was saying.... and so i sit there, unemotional, detached.... in my own isolated little world.
how many times have i been hurt by that same response? if you're not reacting to me as i would hope, maybe you haven't heard me.... maybe something in your day has you more in need of ministry than to minister. maybe i should cut you some slack, find out what's going on in your life and try spilling my beans later....
here's an amazing thing.... God heard your heart before it beat for the first time. He heard your desperation before you were able to form a thought. He hears those unspoken fears and shouted victories. before you knew your deepest need, He heard you and made a way for you. the cross of Christ is God's declaration that His kingdom is a "no earplugs zone".
i'm sure i will get this wrong many more times than i get it right, but the silent chaos of that basket has reminded me to tune in... and to be very thankful that God is always tuned in.
tim pezzelle
2011-02
i had a "wow moment" at church last sunday. to properly paint the picture, a little background - if you don't mind. our church provides two simultaneous services: one in the chapel and one in the conference center. each service has live worship music, but the sermon is transmitted from the chapel to the conference center and is projected on three very large screens. the only significant difference between the two venues is that the music in the conference center tends to be louder.
so, i'm picking up my earplugs on the way in to the conference center (that was supposed to be an elegant, humorous segway(sp)) because i'm not really in the mood for full throttle music. we enter, find seats and i put the earplugs in. these things are great; the amplification is loud enough that you can still hear the speakers and the music, but at a comfortable level.
on to the "wow moment". communion has been celebrated and the baskets for the communion cups are making their way around the room. a basket comes to me, i put my cup in the basket and pass it along. we muffed the handoff - the basket, as if in slow motion, begins a painful descent to the floor. but i have these great earplugs in, so i don't hear any of the commotion as the basket lands, cups scatter and heads turn. i'm in an isolated world of silence.
the gentleman to whom i passed the basket makes a very rapid movement to correct the mess. i'm not moving that fast. by the time i have picked up a single cup, he has righted the basked and gotten all the other cups back in place. a moment later, the basket is on it's way again.
now, the "wow moment". i was struck by how desperately he seemed to want to put this behind him and get that basket moving again. i was struck by how meaningless it seemed to me. why did we react so differently to the same situation? am i harboring a secret desire to be disruptive in a church service? i mean, i always put my phone on vibrate. does that sound like the attitude of a wanton disturber of the service? i think not.
the difference between our reactions was the earplugs. to me, the basket fell silently to the floor. the cups scattered without so much as a clink or tinkle. it was like nothing urgent had happened because i didn't hear the crash. i didn't hear the restrained giggles and laughs, and so they weren't happening. i reacted based on the perceived lack of urgency created by my impaired state of hearing.
for the remainder of the service, my thoughts kept returning to imagined things the gentleman next to me must have been thinking.... mostly.... "wow, that clumsy oaf didn't care at all".
how much of my life have i spent this way? walking around with earplugs on. you can take that literally or metaphorically. when you're pouring your heart out to me and i'm not reacting at all the way i should - it's probably because i haven't really heard you. maybe i've heard the words, but missed what your heart was saying.... and so i sit there, unemotional, detached.... in my own isolated little world.
how many times have i been hurt by that same response? if you're not reacting to me as i would hope, maybe you haven't heard me.... maybe something in your day has you more in need of ministry than to minister. maybe i should cut you some slack, find out what's going on in your life and try spilling my beans later....
here's an amazing thing.... God heard your heart before it beat for the first time. He heard your desperation before you were able to form a thought. He hears those unspoken fears and shouted victories. before you knew your deepest need, He heard you and made a way for you. the cross of Christ is God's declaration that His kingdom is a "no earplugs zone".
i'm sure i will get this wrong many more times than i get it right, but the silent chaos of that basket has reminded me to tune in... and to be very thankful that God is always tuned in.
A Good Night Note
a good night note
tim pezzelle
2011-03
do strange, wonderful things ever happen to you? maybe the better question is whether we really catch those strange, wonderful moments and see them for what they are. my days go by, one page at a time, and i know that i've often been too preoccupied with lesser things to stop and appreciate how the plot is unfolding. but then there are times when God simply smacks me over the head with His story line. here is one small instance....
i've never been a big fan of "the dark". i wouldn't go so far as to say that i'm "afraid" of the dark; i just don't prefer it. sherry welcomed night. she saw it as a part of the big picture of God's design - day and night. work and rest. rest is the key word - shabat or sabbath. for sherry, entering into God's shabat was part of a daily cycle. so night would come, the pace would slow, the noise would soften.... balance would begin to return... and she would embrace this transition as a gift from God.
on the other hand (especially in the last eighteen months), i have dreaded the fading of day's light. i can only suppose that, for me, it's something like the way a fighter feels when the last minute of the last round comes. he knows he's behind on points and there isn't much time left to pull out a victory. each tick of the clock draws him closer to defeat. when the bell rings, all hope for victory vanishes.
i would, nightly, lament the dark and the end of the day, and sherry would remind me that there is a time for rest. she would paint for me with words her picture of God's rest.... and that was a good thing.... a wonderful thing....
and then she left. God called her to His perfect, eternal rest.
and then night came. and day.... and another night.... and no words of reminder. i shouldn't have needed them. i shouldn't have grown dependent upon them. and another night....
but God is so good. one night, as i'm sitting on the side of the bed i notice the edge of a piece of paper that had fallen onto the floor behind my night stand. i recognized this as a page from one of sherry's praying in color journals and picked it up. here, in sherry's handwriting, is what it says:
"I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because HE is at my right hand, i will not be shaken." PS 16:7-8
i don't know when she wrote it..... i don't know when she put it on the night stand.... i don't know why she hadn't commented about it..... she knew me. she knew my heart. she knew what i needed. maybe she knew she might not be here to remind me - i don't know.
i count it as one of those strange, wonderful things. although the climb up the stairs at the end of each day can feel like a thousand mile march, i am reminded that rest is near.... i am reminded that God is Sovereign over day and night.... i am reminded that in all things, He provides what is needed - family, friends, work, rest, hope, help.... and little notes from tender hearts that bring me back to His truths.
thank you sherry, good night!
tim pezzelle
2011-03
do strange, wonderful things ever happen to you? maybe the better question is whether we really catch those strange, wonderful moments and see them for what they are. my days go by, one page at a time, and i know that i've often been too preoccupied with lesser things to stop and appreciate how the plot is unfolding. but then there are times when God simply smacks me over the head with His story line. here is one small instance....
i've never been a big fan of "the dark". i wouldn't go so far as to say that i'm "afraid" of the dark; i just don't prefer it. sherry welcomed night. she saw it as a part of the big picture of God's design - day and night. work and rest. rest is the key word - shabat or sabbath. for sherry, entering into God's shabat was part of a daily cycle. so night would come, the pace would slow, the noise would soften.... balance would begin to return... and she would embrace this transition as a gift from God.
on the other hand (especially in the last eighteen months), i have dreaded the fading of day's light. i can only suppose that, for me, it's something like the way a fighter feels when the last minute of the last round comes. he knows he's behind on points and there isn't much time left to pull out a victory. each tick of the clock draws him closer to defeat. when the bell rings, all hope for victory vanishes.
i would, nightly, lament the dark and the end of the day, and sherry would remind me that there is a time for rest. she would paint for me with words her picture of God's rest.... and that was a good thing.... a wonderful thing....
and then she left. God called her to His perfect, eternal rest.
and then night came. and day.... and another night.... and no words of reminder. i shouldn't have needed them. i shouldn't have grown dependent upon them. and another night....
but God is so good. one night, as i'm sitting on the side of the bed i notice the edge of a piece of paper that had fallen onto the floor behind my night stand. i recognized this as a page from one of sherry's praying in color journals and picked it up. here, in sherry's handwriting, is what it says:
"I will praise the Lord who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because HE is at my right hand, i will not be shaken." PS 16:7-8
i don't know when she wrote it..... i don't know when she put it on the night stand.... i don't know why she hadn't commented about it..... she knew me. she knew my heart. she knew what i needed. maybe she knew she might not be here to remind me - i don't know.
i count it as one of those strange, wonderful things. although the climb up the stairs at the end of each day can feel like a thousand mile march, i am reminded that rest is near.... i am reminded that God is Sovereign over day and night.... i am reminded that in all things, He provides what is needed - family, friends, work, rest, hope, help.... and little notes from tender hearts that bring me back to His truths.
thank you sherry, good night!
Letter (to a world-weary wife)
i have this desparate need for you (whoever you are) to know her a little more - for there is treasure there that can't be captured in any other way. while doing the chores i've been avoiding, i came across this note (among others) in sherry's night stand. i hope it lifts your heart and gives you a peek into her heart.
from tim to sherry
2004-04
i've been thinking about you alot lately.
i'm amazed by all that you do on a daily basis. you are a great mom regardless of how you might feel about it from one moment to the next. your kids are kind, gentle and compassionate. even when their personalities seem to work against us (like amy's defense of the defenseless), i still have to admire the impact you have had on their hearts.
you are a great teacher. amy and paige are learning at the pace that's right for them, each blooming in their own time. don't forget that what we're doing to educate our kids has a payout that we can't yet see - it's more than learning stuff - we're building a foundation that they'll stand on to face a crazy, mixed up world. it's a great foundation and i'm so grateful for you and how you lay the bricks one by one every day. don't let their (frequent?) discouragement hide what's really going on. you are my "teacher of the year" every year!
you are a passionate christian. too often this works against you because not everyone can relate to your passion. even i get left behind and i'm so sorry for the times you feel alone in your crusades. i know that feeling too, and it's no fun. please know that i understand those burnings and want to enable you - help me understand how to do this. remember that, in the end, it matters not whether anyone understood you and your passion.... God understands. He made you just the way you are and He delights in seeing your fires rise and your visions take flight.
you are a cancer survivor. i love this one because it means i can write you a note like this and know that you're there to read it. it means that amy and paige have their mom. it means that all those you bless haven't missed the boat. it means that you see life a little differently than most (again, this works against you sometimes - show grace to those of us who don't completely get it). your response to this crisis revealed to the many what i already knew - you have great faith and character. i want to be like you.
you are a great friend. in season, out of season (pardon the pun), you are a real friend to those who want a real friend. life is full of hurt and loss, and you've suffered more than your fair share when it comes to friends. God is good! He has never left you without the opportunity to make great friends - and you always have. it can be hard to face the future with optimism when it seems so clouded by the regrets of the past. my prayer for you is this: trust that God knows your need for fellowship and will never forsake you or abandon you. i, for one, will always be your friend. please forgive me when i dont' live it out as i should.
you are so much more... so this will be continued!!
me
from tim to sherry
2004-04
i've been thinking about you alot lately.
i'm amazed by all that you do on a daily basis. you are a great mom regardless of how you might feel about it from one moment to the next. your kids are kind, gentle and compassionate. even when their personalities seem to work against us (like amy's defense of the defenseless), i still have to admire the impact you have had on their hearts.
you are a great teacher. amy and paige are learning at the pace that's right for them, each blooming in their own time. don't forget that what we're doing to educate our kids has a payout that we can't yet see - it's more than learning stuff - we're building a foundation that they'll stand on to face a crazy, mixed up world. it's a great foundation and i'm so grateful for you and how you lay the bricks one by one every day. don't let their (frequent?) discouragement hide what's really going on. you are my "teacher of the year" every year!
you are a passionate christian. too often this works against you because not everyone can relate to your passion. even i get left behind and i'm so sorry for the times you feel alone in your crusades. i know that feeling too, and it's no fun. please know that i understand those burnings and want to enable you - help me understand how to do this. remember that, in the end, it matters not whether anyone understood you and your passion.... God understands. He made you just the way you are and He delights in seeing your fires rise and your visions take flight.
you are a cancer survivor. i love this one because it means i can write you a note like this and know that you're there to read it. it means that amy and paige have their mom. it means that all those you bless haven't missed the boat. it means that you see life a little differently than most (again, this works against you sometimes - show grace to those of us who don't completely get it). your response to this crisis revealed to the many what i already knew - you have great faith and character. i want to be like you.
you are a great friend. in season, out of season (pardon the pun), you are a real friend to those who want a real friend. life is full of hurt and loss, and you've suffered more than your fair share when it comes to friends. God is good! He has never left you without the opportunity to make great friends - and you always have. it can be hard to face the future with optimism when it seems so clouded by the regrets of the past. my prayer for you is this: trust that God knows your need for fellowship and will never forsake you or abandon you. i, for one, will always be your friend. please forgive me when i dont' live it out as i should.
you are so much more... so this will be continued!!
me
Relationships
Relationships
tim pezzelle
2011-03
here's a bit of wisdom regarding relationships that i am privileged to pass along to you:
"come, let us glorify the Lord together".
that's it. everything we need to know about healthy relationships is packed into that one, simple, seven word sentence. i wish i could take credit for the brilliance it contains; but, you see, i got it from sherry. but she can't take credit for it either. sherry got it from God. Psalm 34:3
"Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together."
the idea contained in this simple phrase is the cornerstone upon which relationships should be built. sherry included this in her vows at our wedding. she wrote it on every anniversary card she gave to me. she painted it on the bedroom wall behind the shelf that held our wedding picture. when the way forward was unclear, she would hold me and whisper the words. for nearly twenty-nine years, in all these big and little ways, she was declaring her heart's desire for us as a couple. for nearly twenty-nine years i didn't see the full significance of the beauty of this simple plea: "glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together".
it's beginning to sink in. i'm starting to see this idea unfold - like a flower opening itself to the light of a new day - and it is beautiful! i think God occasionally turns the lights on in an otherwise poorly lit corridor of our brains (and hearts) and gives us the chance to see clearly what was perhaps unseen.
it isn't complicated - there are really only two ideas we need to embrace. the first is the idea of "together". sherry saw this in a way that simplified it for me. for us to be "together" meant that she was for me and i was for her. we would be each other's biggest cheerleader. we would find ways to support each other's crazy visions. we would stand in the gap for each other when it was needed. we would call each other out when it was needed. to be "together" did not mean that we had to share common pursuits - it meant that we would empower each other in those pursuits. as you might guess, sherry was a good measure ahead of me in the practical exercise of this idea. as with many things in life, being able to see and understand an idea is often much simpler than living the idea. it's very easy to say "i am for you".... it is much less easy to live "i am for you". this requires a spirit of selflessness and sacrifice that comes only by the Grace of God. sherry had this spirit.
the second idea is also very simple. i would start by asking you to consider this question: to what end are we "glorifying the LORD" or "exalting his name"? is this for God's benefit? does He, from time to time, forget how great He is? does He require our pat on the back? i really don't think that's the case. God's glory is God's story. the dynamic which should drive our relationships with each other is the communication of God's story. we are the salt and light of the world - Psalm 34:3 is calling us to live it on purpose. together.
lest i loose your generous attention.... what would those around us see if we lived relationships defined by this simple scripture: "glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together"? they would see people living sacrificially for each other in ways that draw attention to the wonders of God. they would see people buoyed by the power of forgiveness. they would see people humbled by graceful expressions of God's love. perhaps they would see God as He should be seen.
are you in the midst of a relationship on the rocks? i'm certainly no expert, but i can say that if you are willing to turn Psalm 34:3 loose in your relationships, they will never be the same. for nearly twenty-nine years, sherry refused to let us stray from Psalm 34:3. it was a beautiful thing.
thank you sherry!
tim pezzelle
2011-03
here's a bit of wisdom regarding relationships that i am privileged to pass along to you:
"come, let us glorify the Lord together".
that's it. everything we need to know about healthy relationships is packed into that one, simple, seven word sentence. i wish i could take credit for the brilliance it contains; but, you see, i got it from sherry. but she can't take credit for it either. sherry got it from God. Psalm 34:3
"Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together."
the idea contained in this simple phrase is the cornerstone upon which relationships should be built. sherry included this in her vows at our wedding. she wrote it on every anniversary card she gave to me. she painted it on the bedroom wall behind the shelf that held our wedding picture. when the way forward was unclear, she would hold me and whisper the words. for nearly twenty-nine years, in all these big and little ways, she was declaring her heart's desire for us as a couple. for nearly twenty-nine years i didn't see the full significance of the beauty of this simple plea: "glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together".
it's beginning to sink in. i'm starting to see this idea unfold - like a flower opening itself to the light of a new day - and it is beautiful! i think God occasionally turns the lights on in an otherwise poorly lit corridor of our brains (and hearts) and gives us the chance to see clearly what was perhaps unseen.
it isn't complicated - there are really only two ideas we need to embrace. the first is the idea of "together". sherry saw this in a way that simplified it for me. for us to be "together" meant that she was for me and i was for her. we would be each other's biggest cheerleader. we would find ways to support each other's crazy visions. we would stand in the gap for each other when it was needed. we would call each other out when it was needed. to be "together" did not mean that we had to share common pursuits - it meant that we would empower each other in those pursuits. as you might guess, sherry was a good measure ahead of me in the practical exercise of this idea. as with many things in life, being able to see and understand an idea is often much simpler than living the idea. it's very easy to say "i am for you".... it is much less easy to live "i am for you". this requires a spirit of selflessness and sacrifice that comes only by the Grace of God. sherry had this spirit.
the second idea is also very simple. i would start by asking you to consider this question: to what end are we "glorifying the LORD" or "exalting his name"? is this for God's benefit? does He, from time to time, forget how great He is? does He require our pat on the back? i really don't think that's the case. God's glory is God's story. the dynamic which should drive our relationships with each other is the communication of God's story. we are the salt and light of the world - Psalm 34:3 is calling us to live it on purpose. together.
lest i loose your generous attention.... what would those around us see if we lived relationships defined by this simple scripture: "glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together"? they would see people living sacrificially for each other in ways that draw attention to the wonders of God. they would see people buoyed by the power of forgiveness. they would see people humbled by graceful expressions of God's love. perhaps they would see God as He should be seen.
are you in the midst of a relationship on the rocks? i'm certainly no expert, but i can say that if you are willing to turn Psalm 34:3 loose in your relationships, they will never be the same. for nearly twenty-nine years, sherry refused to let us stray from Psalm 34:3. it was a beautiful thing.
thank you sherry!
Reconcilable Differences
reconcilable differences
tim pezzelle
2011-04
paige (my younger daughter) and i agree that trying to journal this story will fall short of being able to tell it in person. the pained expressions, the varying tones of voice... sherry and i overriding each other with the more accurate version. it's a very funny story - but i don't write funny very well. enough excuses....
three years after we were married, sherry and i decided it was time to make up for our less-than-exotic honeymoon (three days in sedona). sherry was a traveler - born for it. she had spent most of her 29 years going here, there and everywhere. planning a trip was an odd combination of exhilarating calm for her. i grew up in a family that wasn't "vacation oriented". i'm sure we probably took vacations - but i couldn't recount one for you if my very life depended on it. for me, the anticipation of travel and vacation is torture. you may think i'm exaggerating - you'd be wrong.
let's take a short diversion. do you know how most people talk about the "adjustments" they had to make in the transition from single to married? well, they do.... i've heard them.... "i had no idea he........ ". "the first time she....... i couldn't believe it". informal polling tells me that this is normal. sherry and i went from single to married without the slightest hint of adapting required. we fit. we had no funny stories of the surprising quirks that make you wonder if you did the right thing. we did the right thing.
so it seemed. back to our story...
we (okay, sherry) planned a driving vacation from arizona to southern california (to spend some time with an old friend of hers) and then up the coast to san francisco. along the way, we would stop in san jose to visit with an old high school friend of mine.
i'm a nervous wreck from the moment we leave our apartment - but masking it pretty well. at least i have some sense of control because we're driving.
couple of days in hollywood...... check!
up the coast to san jose for a couple of days.... check!
on to san francisco... check!
we have reservations at "the Lombard Hotel". i'm driving. as we approach the city and traffic begins to thicken (make me break into a cold sweat), i ask sherry to get the directions out and start navigating.....
tim: "sweetie, where am i going?"
sherry: "well, i don't really have directions"
tim: "we don't know where we're going"
sherry: "no, no... it's the Lombard Hotel... it has to be on Lombard street - you know, that famous zig-zaggy street you see in the movies all the time."
tim: "which movie? was there a map in that movie?"
sherry: "don't worry, it's famous, we can't miss it"
tim: "i'm driving in a place i've never been before to a place i have no directions to... i'm a little worried."
sherry: "look, here's Lombard street"
at this moment, she points to one of those teeny, little inserts that sort of provide an exploded view of a corner of the metropolitan san francisco area.
tim: "i can't look, i'm driving..... do i stay on this freeway.... where do i exit?"
sherry: "i'm not sure, there's not much detail here"
i think it was at this point that my brain shut down. i think the blood must have drained into my left foot because i was finding it difficult to continue pressing the gas pedal. driving.... driving aimlessly.... hope fading....
sherry: "OH, OH..... exit RIGHT.... NOW!!!!!"
tim: ".... too panicked to say anything"
i missed the exit.
sherry: "that's okay, just take the next one and we'll circle back"
tim: "what exit was that"
sherry: "Lombard street... i told you it would be easy"
tim: "but we don't know that the hotel is on Lombard street"
sherry: "it's the Lombard Hotel..... where else would it be"
tim: "an address would be nice"
did you know that "circling back" in san francisco is much harder than it sounds? we eventually wander around and find Lombard street and follow it thru all the little zig-zaggies from top to bottom and there, at the bottom of the hill is the Lombard Hotel.
sherry: "oh my gosh.... it's beautiful! let's get checked in and start exploring!!!"
tim: "..."
we're checking in, sherry is grabbing every brochure in the lobby. i can barely stand upright at the counter. we get our key and make our way to the room.
i unlock the door, walk over to the dresser, open the top drawer, drop the keys into the drawer, close the drawer....
tim: "please don't ever do that to me again...." and i fall backwards onto the bed.
sherry: "do what? what did i do?"
tim: "i need a moment to recover"
sherry: "recover from what? what's wrong?"
two hours later... sherry is internally bouncing off of the walls wanting to take all of san francisco in with a single breath...
sherry: "tim, can you tell me what i did while we go explore?"
on this little road trip we discovered what would remain our most significant (pretty much only) incompatibility: travel. over time, we figured out how to minimize the severity. to this day, i am a LOUSY traveler. but the important thing is that i will make myself do it. there are lots of trips to take in the days ahead and sherry prepared me for them. because of her, i will handle it all better.
as i think about it, it makes sense that she would take the journey home before me - showing me the way... showing me that "it's Heaven.... it's famous, you can't miss it!"
bon voyage!
tim pezzelle
2011-04
paige (my younger daughter) and i agree that trying to journal this story will fall short of being able to tell it in person. the pained expressions, the varying tones of voice... sherry and i overriding each other with the more accurate version. it's a very funny story - but i don't write funny very well. enough excuses....
three years after we were married, sherry and i decided it was time to make up for our less-than-exotic honeymoon (three days in sedona). sherry was a traveler - born for it. she had spent most of her 29 years going here, there and everywhere. planning a trip was an odd combination of exhilarating calm for her. i grew up in a family that wasn't "vacation oriented". i'm sure we probably took vacations - but i couldn't recount one for you if my very life depended on it. for me, the anticipation of travel and vacation is torture. you may think i'm exaggerating - you'd be wrong.
let's take a short diversion. do you know how most people talk about the "adjustments" they had to make in the transition from single to married? well, they do.... i've heard them.... "i had no idea he........ ". "the first time she....... i couldn't believe it". informal polling tells me that this is normal. sherry and i went from single to married without the slightest hint of adapting required. we fit. we had no funny stories of the surprising quirks that make you wonder if you did the right thing. we did the right thing.
so it seemed. back to our story...
we (okay, sherry) planned a driving vacation from arizona to southern california (to spend some time with an old friend of hers) and then up the coast to san francisco. along the way, we would stop in san jose to visit with an old high school friend of mine.
i'm a nervous wreck from the moment we leave our apartment - but masking it pretty well. at least i have some sense of control because we're driving.
couple of days in hollywood...... check!
up the coast to san jose for a couple of days.... check!
on to san francisco... check!
we have reservations at "the Lombard Hotel". i'm driving. as we approach the city and traffic begins to thicken (make me break into a cold sweat), i ask sherry to get the directions out and start navigating.....
tim: "sweetie, where am i going?"
sherry: "well, i don't really have directions"
tim: "we don't know where we're going"
sherry: "no, no... it's the Lombard Hotel... it has to be on Lombard street - you know, that famous zig-zaggy street you see in the movies all the time."
tim: "which movie? was there a map in that movie?"
sherry: "don't worry, it's famous, we can't miss it"
tim: "i'm driving in a place i've never been before to a place i have no directions to... i'm a little worried."
sherry: "look, here's Lombard street"
at this moment, she points to one of those teeny, little inserts that sort of provide an exploded view of a corner of the metropolitan san francisco area.
tim: "i can't look, i'm driving..... do i stay on this freeway.... where do i exit?"
sherry: "i'm not sure, there's not much detail here"
i think it was at this point that my brain shut down. i think the blood must have drained into my left foot because i was finding it difficult to continue pressing the gas pedal. driving.... driving aimlessly.... hope fading....
sherry: "OH, OH..... exit RIGHT.... NOW!!!!!"
tim: ".... too panicked to say anything"
i missed the exit.
sherry: "that's okay, just take the next one and we'll circle back"
tim: "what exit was that"
sherry: "Lombard street... i told you it would be easy"
tim: "but we don't know that the hotel is on Lombard street"
sherry: "it's the Lombard Hotel..... where else would it be"
tim: "an address would be nice"
did you know that "circling back" in san francisco is much harder than it sounds? we eventually wander around and find Lombard street and follow it thru all the little zig-zaggies from top to bottom and there, at the bottom of the hill is the Lombard Hotel.
sherry: "oh my gosh.... it's beautiful! let's get checked in and start exploring!!!"
tim: "..."
we're checking in, sherry is grabbing every brochure in the lobby. i can barely stand upright at the counter. we get our key and make our way to the room.
i unlock the door, walk over to the dresser, open the top drawer, drop the keys into the drawer, close the drawer....
tim: "please don't ever do that to me again...." and i fall backwards onto the bed.
sherry: "do what? what did i do?"
tim: "i need a moment to recover"
sherry: "recover from what? what's wrong?"
two hours later... sherry is internally bouncing off of the walls wanting to take all of san francisco in with a single breath...
sherry: "tim, can you tell me what i did while we go explore?"
on this little road trip we discovered what would remain our most significant (pretty much only) incompatibility: travel. over time, we figured out how to minimize the severity. to this day, i am a LOUSY traveler. but the important thing is that i will make myself do it. there are lots of trips to take in the days ahead and sherry prepared me for them. because of her, i will handle it all better.
as i think about it, it makes sense that she would take the journey home before me - showing me the way... showing me that "it's Heaven.... it's famous, you can't miss it!"
bon voyage!
Transitions
transitions
tim pezzelle
2011-05
is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children? i've seen the answer to this question unfold in same time span that God uses to bring a new human life into this world. sherry answered this question for me, and the impact of that answer has changed me, yet again, forever.
in 1996, we made the decision to home school our daughters. sherry was the driving force behind this decision. there are as many reasons for home-schooling as there are home-schoolers. for sherry, the decision was a matter of cashing in on the second chance that God had given her. in 1991, she was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. we prayed that we would get to raise our daughters together; that God would intervene and restore her health. He did. sherry's response to His mercy was to invest herself completely in amy and paige. is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children?
in 2009, our younger daughter (paige) graduated from (home school) high school. with hindsight, we can see that this is about the same time that sherry's new symptoms started. sherry had spent the previous 13 years educating her girls - day in, day out. good days and bad days. sweet moods and sour moods. co-ops and road trips. extra curriculars and extra credits. i watched a mom give herself completely to the idea that God had spared her for a purpose, and she wasn't going to let it slip away unattended. is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children?
later in 2009 we received another diagnosis: metastatic esophageal carcinoma. cancer of the esophagus to you and me. it took three separate tests to completely diagnose this disease, and after each test we would head home, stopping somewhere along the way for a fizzy coke - sherry's preferred method of dealing with difficult times. between phone calls to family and sips, we shared tears. we had been through this before and it didn't seem exactly fair for that history to repeat itself.
what does this have to do with transitions? sherry loved her life. she loved me... she loved amy and paige... her family.... her friends.... her work... her clients.... a good book.... a funny movie.... her home.... a good meal.... a great cup of coffee... seeing new places.... meeting new people.... making a difference.... i look at all of that and can't help but see so much to hold on to. those tears were an acknowledgment of how much was at stake - how much there was to lose.
over the next 9 months, there were more tears... but there was laughter too. there were the trials of chemotherapy and the tender moments of our family huddled together in the house God had given us - and sherry made home. there was also a transition taking place. as bad news turned more hopeful and ultimately dimmed again, i watched God escort my sherry (well, His sherry really) from holding on to this life, to reaching out for real life. transitions.
as we did everything we could to fight off the disease, God was moving sherry from this world to His kingdom. He was reminding her of His faithfulness. He was giving her everything she needed to let go of the old so that she could embrace the new. transitions.
is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children? yes. a mother's love for God and the confidence that everything He said is true. i am blessed beyond my ability to articulate. i had a front row seat to the most amazing thing i'll ever see. i have seen faith become sight without a shred of regret. i have held the hand of hope as it reaches for assurance without looking back. in living, sherry showed me what it means to walk with God. in dying, sherry showed me what it means to walk to God.
i think sherry would whole-heartedly agree with this advice (because she lived it): live on purpose for His glory. run the race knowing that it has a finish line. trust that the really important things are in God's hands - as they've always been. it's just a hop, skip and a jump into His presence.
tim pezzelle
2011-05
is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children? i've seen the answer to this question unfold in same time span that God uses to bring a new human life into this world. sherry answered this question for me, and the impact of that answer has changed me, yet again, forever.
in 1996, we made the decision to home school our daughters. sherry was the driving force behind this decision. there are as many reasons for home-schooling as there are home-schoolers. for sherry, the decision was a matter of cashing in on the second chance that God had given her. in 1991, she was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. we prayed that we would get to raise our daughters together; that God would intervene and restore her health. He did. sherry's response to His mercy was to invest herself completely in amy and paige. is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children?
in 2009, our younger daughter (paige) graduated from (home school) high school. with hindsight, we can see that this is about the same time that sherry's new symptoms started. sherry had spent the previous 13 years educating her girls - day in, day out. good days and bad days. sweet moods and sour moods. co-ops and road trips. extra curriculars and extra credits. i watched a mom give herself completely to the idea that God had spared her for a purpose, and she wasn't going to let it slip away unattended. is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children?
later in 2009 we received another diagnosis: metastatic esophageal carcinoma. cancer of the esophagus to you and me. it took three separate tests to completely diagnose this disease, and after each test we would head home, stopping somewhere along the way for a fizzy coke - sherry's preferred method of dealing with difficult times. between phone calls to family and sips, we shared tears. we had been through this before and it didn't seem exactly fair for that history to repeat itself.
what does this have to do with transitions? sherry loved her life. she loved me... she loved amy and paige... her family.... her friends.... her work... her clients.... a good book.... a funny movie.... her home.... a good meal.... a great cup of coffee... seeing new places.... meeting new people.... making a difference.... i look at all of that and can't help but see so much to hold on to. those tears were an acknowledgment of how much was at stake - how much there was to lose.
over the next 9 months, there were more tears... but there was laughter too. there were the trials of chemotherapy and the tender moments of our family huddled together in the house God had given us - and sherry made home. there was also a transition taking place. as bad news turned more hopeful and ultimately dimmed again, i watched God escort my sherry (well, His sherry really) from holding on to this life, to reaching out for real life. transitions.
as we did everything we could to fight off the disease, God was moving sherry from this world to His kingdom. He was reminding her of His faithfulness. He was giving her everything she needed to let go of the old so that she could embrace the new. transitions.
is there anything greater than a mother's love for her children? yes. a mother's love for God and the confidence that everything He said is true. i am blessed beyond my ability to articulate. i had a front row seat to the most amazing thing i'll ever see. i have seen faith become sight without a shred of regret. i have held the hand of hope as it reaches for assurance without looking back. in living, sherry showed me what it means to walk with God. in dying, sherry showed me what it means to walk to God.
i think sherry would whole-heartedly agree with this advice (because she lived it): live on purpose for His glory. run the race knowing that it has a finish line. trust that the really important things are in God's hands - as they've always been. it's just a hop, skip and a jump into His presence.
My Dad - The Italian Stallion)
a brief father's day tribute...
by tim pezzelle
a few things i learned from my dad (the italian stallion)
1. italian sausage in a nice tomato sauce left on the stove between thanksgiving and new year's, reheated over and over again, probably won't kill you.
2. the best pizza dough i'll ever make is the next one.
3. to be 180 pounds requires that you believe you are 180 pounds
4. if dentures in the toilet is the worst thing that happens to you, you have a pretty good life.
5. vicks vap-o-rub is even better than windex as a medicinal cure all
6. do the right thing for your family, friends, community
7. your wife is the best thing to ever happen to you... "in sickness, and in health" (thanks for living this one out, dad. it was a valuable lesson).
8a. take care of your family. work. stand on your own two feet and provide.
8b. you have the capacity to be amazing at whatever you do. your only limits are those you put on yourself.
9. sometimes it's better to roll with the punches than prove how hard your jaw is.
10. life isn't over until it's over. live. enjoy. engage. be passionate (even if it's only about pizza dough)
i am a proud son of Karl Pezzelle! you were a man's man with a heart of gold. i miss you! i love you!
by tim pezzelle
a few things i learned from my dad (the italian stallion)
1. italian sausage in a nice tomato sauce left on the stove between thanksgiving and new year's, reheated over and over again, probably won't kill you.
2. the best pizza dough i'll ever make is the next one.
3. to be 180 pounds requires that you believe you are 180 pounds
4. if dentures in the toilet is the worst thing that happens to you, you have a pretty good life.
5. vicks vap-o-rub is even better than windex as a medicinal cure all
6. do the right thing for your family, friends, community
7. your wife is the best thing to ever happen to you... "in sickness, and in health" (thanks for living this one out, dad. it was a valuable lesson).
8a. take care of your family. work. stand on your own two feet and provide.
8b. you have the capacity to be amazing at whatever you do. your only limits are those you put on yourself.
9. sometimes it's better to roll with the punches than prove how hard your jaw is.
10. life isn't over until it's over. live. enjoy. engage. be passionate (even if it's only about pizza dough)
i am a proud son of Karl Pezzelle! you were a man's man with a heart of gold. i miss you! i love you!
The Rubber Mallet Test
the rubber mallet test
tim pezzelle
2011-08
most of us have shared this experience.... sitting on the edge of an examining table in a doctor's office. (s)he pulls a sort of rubber mallet out of a drawer and asks me to cross one leg over the other and relax. then (s)he smacks me with the mallet - just below the kneecap. my leg (hopefully) responds with a gentle kicking motion. i didn't ask my leg to do that, right? it just does. it's an uncontrolled reaction. the "knee-jerk" reaction. this reminds me that my body is a strange mix of managed and unmanaged responses to the things going on around me.
our hearts are just like that. every single day that we draw breath, we are confronted with a multitude of opportunities to respond to the things going on around us. like it or not, our hearts are continuously being tapped by a mallet. i'd like to share some observations with you, and maybe give you a deeper look into my heart and the heart of my favorite person.
sherry. those of you who knew her more than casually will find yourselves nodding with understanding at what you're about to read. she and i discussed this many times, and laughed many times and tried to encourage one another in the face of our weaknesses. when sherry's heart was tapped with that little rubber mallet, it wasn't unusual for her first response to be utterly human. it was, of course, dependent on the nature of the tapping... strike at something she was passionate about and you might want to duck - and she was passionate about many things. but in the time it takes you to read this sentence, her better nature would take over. when that happened, the gulf between her first response and her second response was as far as the east is from the west. i've never known anyone with a similar willingness to expose themselves to the messiness of life. she was fearless in her second response.
tim. this would be a story of contrast. when my heart is put to the rubber mallet test, i don't even feel it sometimes, let alone react. when i do react, a casual observer might mistake me for "spiritually mature" because i tend not to lose my temper and appear to be thoughtful and measured in my responses. the truth is this... there is very little gap between my first response and my second. my better nature doesn't seem that different from my nature. i am reluctant to get dirty.
sherry was my picture of a person "grown up" in her relationship with Christ. we live in a fallen world and are subject to the bruises and black eyes it has in store. we are earth-bound but heaven-hoping. sherry's life - the way she responded to things - was a reflection of that dual reality for me. she was human, and her first (fallen) response to things wasn't always the best. she was redeemed, and her second (heavenly) response to things was God living in an earthen vessel.
if someone asks me "how is your walk going?", i now measure the answer in terms of the rubber mallet test. what really happens when a fallen world taps my heart?
tim pezzelle
2011-08
most of us have shared this experience.... sitting on the edge of an examining table in a doctor's office. (s)he pulls a sort of rubber mallet out of a drawer and asks me to cross one leg over the other and relax. then (s)he smacks me with the mallet - just below the kneecap. my leg (hopefully) responds with a gentle kicking motion. i didn't ask my leg to do that, right? it just does. it's an uncontrolled reaction. the "knee-jerk" reaction. this reminds me that my body is a strange mix of managed and unmanaged responses to the things going on around me.
our hearts are just like that. every single day that we draw breath, we are confronted with a multitude of opportunities to respond to the things going on around us. like it or not, our hearts are continuously being tapped by a mallet. i'd like to share some observations with you, and maybe give you a deeper look into my heart and the heart of my favorite person.
sherry. those of you who knew her more than casually will find yourselves nodding with understanding at what you're about to read. she and i discussed this many times, and laughed many times and tried to encourage one another in the face of our weaknesses. when sherry's heart was tapped with that little rubber mallet, it wasn't unusual for her first response to be utterly human. it was, of course, dependent on the nature of the tapping... strike at something she was passionate about and you might want to duck - and she was passionate about many things. but in the time it takes you to read this sentence, her better nature would take over. when that happened, the gulf between her first response and her second response was as far as the east is from the west. i've never known anyone with a similar willingness to expose themselves to the messiness of life. she was fearless in her second response.
tim. this would be a story of contrast. when my heart is put to the rubber mallet test, i don't even feel it sometimes, let alone react. when i do react, a casual observer might mistake me for "spiritually mature" because i tend not to lose my temper and appear to be thoughtful and measured in my responses. the truth is this... there is very little gap between my first response and my second. my better nature doesn't seem that different from my nature. i am reluctant to get dirty.
sherry was my picture of a person "grown up" in her relationship with Christ. we live in a fallen world and are subject to the bruises and black eyes it has in store. we are earth-bound but heaven-hoping. sherry's life - the way she responded to things - was a reflection of that dual reality for me. she was human, and her first (fallen) response to things wasn't always the best. she was redeemed, and her second (heavenly) response to things was God living in an earthen vessel.
if someone asks me "how is your walk going?", i now measure the answer in terms of the rubber mallet test. what really happens when a fallen world taps my heart?
Welcome Amy Noelle
welcome, amy noelle!
tim pezzelle
2011-08
some things are written to entertain, some to inform, some to inspire. this short offering is presented purely for posterity - just because some stories shouldn't be lost, ever. if this manages to entertain, inform or inspire you, it is accidental.
we were living in a house we had bought from sherry's mom and dad. a modest house in a modest neighborhood - still more than most of the rest of the world enjoys. we had been married six years and were so completely blessed. at the time, we had a "guest" living with us. cassidy wandered into our church one sunday morning, a stranger in a strange land, so to speak. one thing led to another and ultimately led to her staying with us. God had blessed us and given us the opportunity to share His great wealth. we were finding our way as a couple and as a couple of children of the King.
and then...
POOF! sherry called me into the bedroom upon arriving home one evening. she had a gift bag full of goodies that she pulled out one by one. a theme was beginning to develop. she pulled out the pregnancy test and said "poof.... blue". we laughed and cried and panicked and prayed. joy. changes. poof. that would be amy's pre-birth name for the next several months.... poof.
you know how it goes, right? there's a reason it takes nine months. you need that much time to get ready. you need that much to make all the changes needed to welcome a new, little person into your life. and so, we did all those things - decorated the nursery, child-proofed the house (really could have waited a few more months), got the car seat, stroller, bassinet... baby showers.... and dr. visits.
it was during a visit with our doctor.... his face turned from its normally cheery visage to quite serious. preeclampsia. now there's a word i had never heard before. at 30 weeks, preeclampsia turned our perfect pregnancy into something quite different. "go home and lay on your side.... come see me in a week". one week later. "i think i'd like you to lay on your side in the hospital".
big problems. bigger God.
friends and family began bathing sherry and poof in prayer as she layed as still as possible. two weeks - no improvement, but no worse. at 33 weeks, our very concerned doctor declared "if we're going to get this little one here, we need to do it now".
urgent need. caring God.
we were sent to phoenix children's hospital on the very day that we should have been attending our first lamaze class. we were living one of sherry's favorite movie quotes... from gone with the wind.... "i don't know nothin about birthin no babies".
i will spare you the details...
at a little after 10:00 the next morning, poof became amy noelle, tipping the scale at a whopping 3 pounds 15 ounces.... 19 inches long. at 33 weeks, there are so many things to be concerned about. God, as only He can, delivered. amy was perfect - just very tiny. her lungs were fully developed - rare at 33 weeks. amy's APGAR score at 1 minute was 9 out of 10. we were assured by the nurses how rare it was for a baby this premature to be this "normal".
three days later we brought amy home.... 3 pounds 3 ounces. cabbage patch doll clothes. preemie diapers. she was our itty-bitty reminder of our great big God.
and she grew. and grew. in wisdom and beauty. still a perfect child of our caring God.
thank you prayer-warrior friends... thank you sherry... thank you God!
tim pezzelle
2011-08
some things are written to entertain, some to inform, some to inspire. this short offering is presented purely for posterity - just because some stories shouldn't be lost, ever. if this manages to entertain, inform or inspire you, it is accidental.
we were living in a house we had bought from sherry's mom and dad. a modest house in a modest neighborhood - still more than most of the rest of the world enjoys. we had been married six years and were so completely blessed. at the time, we had a "guest" living with us. cassidy wandered into our church one sunday morning, a stranger in a strange land, so to speak. one thing led to another and ultimately led to her staying with us. God had blessed us and given us the opportunity to share His great wealth. we were finding our way as a couple and as a couple of children of the King.
and then...
POOF! sherry called me into the bedroom upon arriving home one evening. she had a gift bag full of goodies that she pulled out one by one. a theme was beginning to develop. she pulled out the pregnancy test and said "poof.... blue". we laughed and cried and panicked and prayed. joy. changes. poof. that would be amy's pre-birth name for the next several months.... poof.
you know how it goes, right? there's a reason it takes nine months. you need that much time to get ready. you need that much to make all the changes needed to welcome a new, little person into your life. and so, we did all those things - decorated the nursery, child-proofed the house (really could have waited a few more months), got the car seat, stroller, bassinet... baby showers.... and dr. visits.
it was during a visit with our doctor.... his face turned from its normally cheery visage to quite serious. preeclampsia. now there's a word i had never heard before. at 30 weeks, preeclampsia turned our perfect pregnancy into something quite different. "go home and lay on your side.... come see me in a week". one week later. "i think i'd like you to lay on your side in the hospital".
big problems. bigger God.
friends and family began bathing sherry and poof in prayer as she layed as still as possible. two weeks - no improvement, but no worse. at 33 weeks, our very concerned doctor declared "if we're going to get this little one here, we need to do it now".
urgent need. caring God.
we were sent to phoenix children's hospital on the very day that we should have been attending our first lamaze class. we were living one of sherry's favorite movie quotes... from gone with the wind.... "i don't know nothin about birthin no babies".
i will spare you the details...
at a little after 10:00 the next morning, poof became amy noelle, tipping the scale at a whopping 3 pounds 15 ounces.... 19 inches long. at 33 weeks, there are so many things to be concerned about. God, as only He can, delivered. amy was perfect - just very tiny. her lungs were fully developed - rare at 33 weeks. amy's APGAR score at 1 minute was 9 out of 10. we were assured by the nurses how rare it was for a baby this premature to be this "normal".
three days later we brought amy home.... 3 pounds 3 ounces. cabbage patch doll clothes. preemie diapers. she was our itty-bitty reminder of our great big God.
and she grew. and grew. in wisdom and beauty. still a perfect child of our caring God.
thank you prayer-warrior friends... thank you sherry... thank you God!
Was Ali McGraw Right
was ali mcgraw right?
tim pezzelle
2012-01
"love means never having to say you're sorry"
i have found that the opposite is true in my life... i am a very, very clumsy expression of what God had in mind when He breathed life into adam. adam was a pretty clumsy expression, come to think of it - so i'm definitely related.
i guess the sentiment in that quote is something more like - "i love you, and i know you love me.... i know that your heart grieves over what has happened, and i hear your heart.... those words aren't necessary between us". but, let's face it, that's a long way to go and erich segal did a pretty good job crafting that line of dialog.
but the truth is this: "i'm sorry" is one of the best things we can say - but only when it is genuine. those words carry a profound weight. they recognize our own shortcoming and failure. they acknowledge and validate the hurt we have caused. they affirm the value we place on the one we have wronged. they shout that "we" is more important than "me". i think they hold the promise that something important has been learned. depending on the depth of the relationship, "i'm sorry" can be another way of saying "i love you" or "let's work it out".
even where we all share a common bond in the Spirit, i am able to screw things up.... that's me. fallen and frail. utterly human, but because of God's grace, utterly redeemed.
Lord, i'm so sorry.... those nails, that crown of thorns, the stripes.... the weight of my sin.... i'm so sorry.
tim
tim pezzelle
2012-01
"love means never having to say you're sorry"
i have found that the opposite is true in my life... i am a very, very clumsy expression of what God had in mind when He breathed life into adam. adam was a pretty clumsy expression, come to think of it - so i'm definitely related.
i guess the sentiment in that quote is something more like - "i love you, and i know you love me.... i know that your heart grieves over what has happened, and i hear your heart.... those words aren't necessary between us". but, let's face it, that's a long way to go and erich segal did a pretty good job crafting that line of dialog.
but the truth is this: "i'm sorry" is one of the best things we can say - but only when it is genuine. those words carry a profound weight. they recognize our own shortcoming and failure. they acknowledge and validate the hurt we have caused. they affirm the value we place on the one we have wronged. they shout that "we" is more important than "me". i think they hold the promise that something important has been learned. depending on the depth of the relationship, "i'm sorry" can be another way of saying "i love you" or "let's work it out".
even where we all share a common bond in the Spirit, i am able to screw things up.... that's me. fallen and frail. utterly human, but because of God's grace, utterly redeemed.
Lord, i'm so sorry.... those nails, that crown of thorns, the stripes.... the weight of my sin.... i'm so sorry.
tim
Take My Hand
take my hand
tim pezzelle
2012-05
i just love these little snippet thoughts. my attention span is perfect for right around 5 words or less. the difficulty occurs when those few words strike like a tuning fork that just sort of vibrates on and on. when that happens i write it down using far more than those few words and expect your attention span to be significantly more exercised and disciplined than is mine. just not fair, right? well, i had one of those “tuning fork” moments the other day while watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
in this story, one of the important plot lines revolves around a Potions book that falls into harry’s possession at the beginning of his year-six term. the book has had a previous owner, is badly worn and contains a plethora of notes which enable harry to jump to the head of the Potions class. this sudden academic excellence does not escape ms. grainger’s (one of harry’s best friends) notice and her curiosity leads her to discover that the book was once the property of the “Half Blood Prince”.
to shorten the backdrop… harry performs one of the unusual, unfamiliar hand-written spells in the book while dueling with draco malfoy (one of the story antagonists)… the spell nearly kills malfoy. it is at this point that harry finally agrees that he must surrender the book. this is a difficult decision for harry. he is unaccustomed to the “head of class” position that using the book has afforded him, and he is reluctant to let go.
and then those words… “take my hand”. as harry struggles with the decision to let go of the book, ginny weasley (an emerging love interest for Harry) simply says “take my hand”. she recognizes the battle that harry is fighting and offers to come along side and fight it with him… “take my hand”.
this moment in the story transports me to the many times in my life when “take my hand” were the words i most needed to hear. as my mind drifts through the scenes, my heart softens as i recall the generosity of the ones who have spoken those words to me in my moments of need. i see now what i overlooked - these people were warrior-friends, willing to empty their hands so that i might have something solid to grasp in the battle. they were willing to step away from their comfort and into my distress.
and, as is often the case, my thoughts begin to wander in the direction of the cross. i hear Jesus saying these words: “take my hand”. He says the words in two wonderfully distinct ways, with two wonderfully distinct purposes.
“take my hand” is exactly what Jesus says to the One who requires a sacrifice for my sin. Jesus speaks these words to the Judge on my behalf. knowing that the hands that knew no sin would be pierced for my transgression did not stop Jesus from making the offer. “take my hand…. not tim’s hand”. “wound my hand… not his”. “pierce my hand… not his”. Jesus saw my battle and knew that i was over-matched and helpless to claim victory. He intervenes with those three simple words…. “take my hand”…. and I am spared the judgment i deserve.
having bought my victory with nail pierced hands… having endured separation from God…. having risen…. He now says those same words, but to me: “take my hand”. when the distance between where i am and where i’m going is unthinkably far, i hear Him… “take my hand”. when the rocky terrain of this fallen world is impossible to navigate, i hear Him… “take my hand”. when the sorrows pile up and become mountains in my path, i hear him…. “take my hand”.
“… come to me all you who are tired and burdened – and I will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me… for I am humble and gentle in heart… and you will find rest for your souls.”
“take my hand”.
tim pezzelle
2012-05
i just love these little snippet thoughts. my attention span is perfect for right around 5 words or less. the difficulty occurs when those few words strike like a tuning fork that just sort of vibrates on and on. when that happens i write it down using far more than those few words and expect your attention span to be significantly more exercised and disciplined than is mine. just not fair, right? well, i had one of those “tuning fork” moments the other day while watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
in this story, one of the important plot lines revolves around a Potions book that falls into harry’s possession at the beginning of his year-six term. the book has had a previous owner, is badly worn and contains a plethora of notes which enable harry to jump to the head of the Potions class. this sudden academic excellence does not escape ms. grainger’s (one of harry’s best friends) notice and her curiosity leads her to discover that the book was once the property of the “Half Blood Prince”.
to shorten the backdrop… harry performs one of the unusual, unfamiliar hand-written spells in the book while dueling with draco malfoy (one of the story antagonists)… the spell nearly kills malfoy. it is at this point that harry finally agrees that he must surrender the book. this is a difficult decision for harry. he is unaccustomed to the “head of class” position that using the book has afforded him, and he is reluctant to let go.
and then those words… “take my hand”. as harry struggles with the decision to let go of the book, ginny weasley (an emerging love interest for Harry) simply says “take my hand”. she recognizes the battle that harry is fighting and offers to come along side and fight it with him… “take my hand”.
this moment in the story transports me to the many times in my life when “take my hand” were the words i most needed to hear. as my mind drifts through the scenes, my heart softens as i recall the generosity of the ones who have spoken those words to me in my moments of need. i see now what i overlooked - these people were warrior-friends, willing to empty their hands so that i might have something solid to grasp in the battle. they were willing to step away from their comfort and into my distress.
and, as is often the case, my thoughts begin to wander in the direction of the cross. i hear Jesus saying these words: “take my hand”. He says the words in two wonderfully distinct ways, with two wonderfully distinct purposes.
“take my hand” is exactly what Jesus says to the One who requires a sacrifice for my sin. Jesus speaks these words to the Judge on my behalf. knowing that the hands that knew no sin would be pierced for my transgression did not stop Jesus from making the offer. “take my hand…. not tim’s hand”. “wound my hand… not his”. “pierce my hand… not his”. Jesus saw my battle and knew that i was over-matched and helpless to claim victory. He intervenes with those three simple words…. “take my hand”…. and I am spared the judgment i deserve.
having bought my victory with nail pierced hands… having endured separation from God…. having risen…. He now says those same words, but to me: “take my hand”. when the distance between where i am and where i’m going is unthinkably far, i hear Him… “take my hand”. when the rocky terrain of this fallen world is impossible to navigate, i hear Him… “take my hand”. when the sorrows pile up and become mountains in my path, i hear him…. “take my hand”.
“… come to me all you who are tired and burdened – and I will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from me… for I am humble and gentle in heart… and you will find rest for your souls.”
“take my hand”.
Can I Go Home
can i go home?
tim pezzelle
2012-09
~~
where to begin?
~
one of the last full feature animated films produced by disney, before pixar and toy story, was the emperor's new groove. i can recommend this movie very highly - it is hilarious fun. part of what has made it such a favorite of mine is the voice talent: david spade (SNL fame), john goodman (later the voice of Tulley in Monsters, Inc) and patrick warburton (Puddy in Seinfeld). i associate these voices with laughter - so they sort of had me right out of the gate.... i won't try to provide a movie synopsis... but there is one scene in particular that is irretractably embedded in my heart.
~
the wicked queen yzma (go ahead and pronounce that any old way you like) has usurped the throne from the young kuzco. she inadvertently turned him into a llama with a magic potion intended to kill him. in this scene, kuzco (in llama form) is being chased by yzma's soldiers. chaos reigns and a table of potions is overturned, splashing the magical elixers on the soldiers. instantly, they turn into a variety of animals. an awkward pause ensues... and one of the soldiers asks the obvious question: "i've been turned into a cow... can i go home?".
~
can i go home?
~
on the night before sherry passed, i was sitting on her bed talking with her. our conversation ranged from issues involving the next moment (ice chips) to eternity. holding her hand and listening to her... and fighting back the desire to just ball my eyes out... she posed the question: can i go home? she wasn't asking to go to the place we called home over on isabella avenue. she wasn't even asking for permission to let go of this life. she was asking me to affirm the things we said we believed for our lifetime together: God is good.... His promises are certain... His plans are immutable... He has prepared a place for us....
~
can i go home?
~
you might be wondering how the soldier/cow fits into the story. in the midst of the chase, the soldier/cow realized that he no longer fit the scene. being suddenly out of place and ill-equipped, he asks the most sensible question. i think sherry asked the same question for the same kinds of reasons. she heard God's faint call growing stronger. her body wasn't the same... suddenly out of place and ill-equipped. her chase, her race was coming to an end; and there we were, talking over the obvious question.
~
can i go home?
~
how do you answer this question... when the best of you holds your hand and asks? it popped into my head and came spilling out... "i've been turned into a cow, can i go home now?". we laughed over this treasured memory of a favorite movie. and then some tears. and then some of the sweetest pillow talk. simple words, softly spoken.... with the power to teach an old dog like me some new tricks.
~
we are all on a journey. each day the path offers us choices and draws us closer to journey's end. on that day when my path takes the final curve, i want to look back at every step... at every choice, and have just one question left to answer....
~
can i go home?
2012-09
~~
where to begin?
~
one of the last full feature animated films produced by disney, before pixar and toy story, was the emperor's new groove. i can recommend this movie very highly - it is hilarious fun. part of what has made it such a favorite of mine is the voice talent: david spade (SNL fame), john goodman (later the voice of Tulley in Monsters, Inc) and patrick warburton (Puddy in Seinfeld). i associate these voices with laughter - so they sort of had me right out of the gate.... i won't try to provide a movie synopsis... but there is one scene in particular that is irretractably embedded in my heart.
~
the wicked queen yzma (go ahead and pronounce that any old way you like) has usurped the throne from the young kuzco. she inadvertently turned him into a llama with a magic potion intended to kill him. in this scene, kuzco (in llama form) is being chased by yzma's soldiers. chaos reigns and a table of potions is overturned, splashing the magical elixers on the soldiers. instantly, they turn into a variety of animals. an awkward pause ensues... and one of the soldiers asks the obvious question: "i've been turned into a cow... can i go home?".
~
can i go home?
~
on the night before sherry passed, i was sitting on her bed talking with her. our conversation ranged from issues involving the next moment (ice chips) to eternity. holding her hand and listening to her... and fighting back the desire to just ball my eyes out... she posed the question: can i go home? she wasn't asking to go to the place we called home over on isabella avenue. she wasn't even asking for permission to let go of this life. she was asking me to affirm the things we said we believed for our lifetime together: God is good.... His promises are certain... His plans are immutable... He has prepared a place for us....
~
can i go home?
~
you might be wondering how the soldier/cow fits into the story. in the midst of the chase, the soldier/cow realized that he no longer fit the scene. being suddenly out of place and ill-equipped, he asks the most sensible question. i think sherry asked the same question for the same kinds of reasons. she heard God's faint call growing stronger. her body wasn't the same... suddenly out of place and ill-equipped. her chase, her race was coming to an end; and there we were, talking over the obvious question.
~
can i go home?
~
how do you answer this question... when the best of you holds your hand and asks? it popped into my head and came spilling out... "i've been turned into a cow, can i go home now?". we laughed over this treasured memory of a favorite movie. and then some tears. and then some of the sweetest pillow talk. simple words, softly spoken.... with the power to teach an old dog like me some new tricks.
~
we are all on a journey. each day the path offers us choices and draws us closer to journey's end. on that day when my path takes the final curve, i want to look back at every step... at every choice, and have just one question left to answer....
~
can i go home?
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