The Rubber Mallet Test

the rubber mallet test
tim pezzelle
2011-08
 
most of us have shared this experience.... sitting on the edge of an examining table in a doctor's office.  (s)he pulls a sort of rubber mallet out of a drawer and asks me to cross one leg over the other and relax.  then (s)he smacks me with the mallet - just below the kneecap.  my  leg (hopefully) responds with a gentle kicking motion.  i didn't ask my leg to do that, right?  it just does.  it's an uncontrolled reaction. the "knee-jerk" reaction.  this reminds me that my body is a strange mix of managed and unmanaged responses to the things going on around me.
 
our hearts are just like that.  every single day that we draw breath, we are confronted with a multitude of opportunities to respond to the things going on around us. like it or not, our hearts are continuously being tapped by a mallet.  i'd like to share some observations with you, and maybe give you a deeper look into my heart and the heart of my favorite person.
 
sherry.  those of you who knew her more than casually will find yourselves nodding with understanding at what you're about to read.  she and i discussed this many times, and laughed many times and tried to encourage one another in the face of our weaknesses.  when sherry's heart was tapped with that little rubber mallet, it wasn't unusual for her first response to be utterly human.  it was, of course, dependent on the nature of the tapping... strike at something she was passionate about and you might want to duck - and she was passionate about many things.  but in the time it takes you to read this sentence, her better nature would take over.  when that happened, the gulf between her first response and her second response was as far as the east is from the west.  i've never known anyone with a similar willingness to expose themselves to the messiness of life.  she was fearless in her second response.
 
tim.  this would be a story of contrast.  when my heart is put to the rubber mallet test, i don't even feel it sometimes, let alone react.  when i do react, a casual observer might mistake me for "spiritually mature" because i tend not to lose my temper and appear to be thoughtful and measured in my responses.  the truth is this...  there is very little gap between my first response and my second. my better nature doesn't seem that different from my nature.   i am reluctant to get dirty.
 
sherry was my picture of a person "grown up" in her relationship with Christ.  we live in a fallen world and are subject to the bruises and black eyes it has in store. we are earth-bound but heaven-hoping.  sherry's life - the way she responded to things - was a reflection of that dual reality for me.  she was human, and her first (fallen)  response to things wasn't always the best.  she was redeemed, and her second (heavenly) response to things was God living in an earthen vessel.
 
if someone asks me "how is your walk going?", i now measure the answer in terms of the rubber mallet test.  what really happens when a fallen world taps my heart?