march, 2013
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dearest
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it's been a while since i've taken the time to write. i know, we talk every day... well, i talk every day and hope that you hear me. and then there are those moments when i hear you. a prayer journal page... a painted pot, dish or cup... blue flower pots... rose bushes.... so many things that awaken memories. when the stars line up just exactly right, those memories are so, so clear. i can hear your laugh and see your smile. i can hear the earnest passion of those scriptures that you'd whisper to me. i can see those green eyes.
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i want you to know that the girls are just great. i know they miss you - some days more than others. you did such a great job raising them and i see more and more of all the best of you in them as the days and weeks go by. i see your reflection in them and it makes my heart happy. sweetheart, they take such good care of me. they are so adorable in the way they watch out for me. i'm grateful beyond words for these daughters. i'm doing my best to walk them into their lives, but honestly, you did most of that work for me and now i'm enjoying the ride that i had hoped we would have taken together. thank you.
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i started a new job about a week ago. consulting. getting to move from one project to the next. i think it suits me. i kept our little tradition alive, too. i took the "Go For It" mug to my new office when i went to sign the offer agreement and asked the HR woman there to take a couple of pictures. a mouse dragging an elephant by the tail. the mug reminded me of how completely devoted to my crazy dreams you were. i don't know what your heart felt in the "dark watches of the night".... but you were always my biggest fan..... always reminding me that God is bigger than whatever our circumstances might be. thank you.
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i have taken broadway road home a few times from tempe - that's where the new office is - right past our first apartment at dobson and broadway. i can see our little patio wall as i drive by. we started out together in that place, and a piece of my heart is still there with you. sitting up in bed late at night and watching "Godspell" on the VCR.... crying together because of what God had done for us. do you remember me trying to do guitar repair work in that tiny apartment? you never complained.... "go for it...." thank you.
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things change. all the time. paige and i occasionally talk about downsizing and selling the house. maybe someday, but not now. i remember they way you teased me about it being okay to remarry... but only for money. paige has added that any worthy candidate has to wear her size and be very fashionable - always looking for a fashion opportunity. amy would probably prefer that i wait 1 year for each year we were together. cute. all i know is that we were blessed. it's tempting to put some descriptor in front of that word... REALLY blessed.... WONDERFULLY blessed.... INCREDIBLY blessed.... but there's only one word that works.... GOD blessed. we were GOD blessed. thank you.... God...
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i'm rambling, and you have choir duty. in one month, i'll observe the passing of another year without you. you are not forgotten.... not by a long shot.... not by me, not by your girls, not by your family or friends or clients or colleagues. you ran a beautiful race, and it's still being talked about.
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with love
tim
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