One Last Kiss

one last kiss
tim pezzelle
2013-01
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did you kiss someone today, or last night at midnight?  i hope so.  and, more than that, i hope that it wasn't "routine".  i hope that it was special.  maybe you've been kissing the same person for years and years.  there is danger that the familiarity of lips meeting can erode the magic.  maybe you are young (or not so) and kissing someone new for the first time.  maybe these kisses will be just the first of thousands you will share together.
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but, maybe (just maybe) your last kiss was indeed the last kiss (so far).  after all, we don't know for certain when a day of separation will come.  as predictable as life can be - days coming and going like clockwork - there is also a stark unpredictability that can leave us completely unprepared when the plot twists of life cheat us of tomorrows we had counted as ours.
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i want to tell you about three kisses...
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a tearful kiss.  on a cloudy, drizzly day in september, we had been given a preliminary diagnosis... esophageal cancer.  sherry had undergone an endoscopy and this was the news we were given.  there would be more tests to confirm this diagnosis, but this was the first step on a path we didn't see coming.  after recovery, we got into the car and headed for the nearest fizzy coke.  fizzy coke was sherry's preferred method of dealing with emotional turmoil.  we sat in the car and sipped.  we sat in the car and made a few phone calls to family and friends.  we sat in the car and cried.  tearful kisses.  faces flushed with emotion and warm tears trailing down.  lips touch, tears mingle, heat from emotions too big to keep inside.  kisses that say "we are together in this... we'll cry together, we'll talk together, we'll walk together.  this bump on the road can't separate us".  tearful kisses.  treasured.
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a passionate kiss.  on a saturday morning, after six days with a feeding tube.... after a failed kidney stint procedure.... after learning that man's science was out of answers... the feeding tube was removed.  sherry reached for my face and pulled me in.  a passionate kiss..... soft and warm and giving.  it's the kiss that says "i missed you... i need you...  i want you... i trust you... don't leave me... stay.... i still choose you...".  maybe this resonates with you and maybe it doesn't, i hope it does.  without a single word, this communicates the unmistakable message that there is no desire to hide or disguise... only a desire to be as fully known as humanly possible.  a passionate kiss.  our last passionate kiss.  missed.
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a tender kiss.  on a tuesday morning, with her vital signs failing.... with heaven coming more clearly into view and this world growing blurry...  with everything said that needed to be said....  a tender kiss.  our last kiss.  lips touch, she sighs.  and the kiss says what a worn out body can't say... "i love you... always...".  a tender kiss.  one last kiss.  cherished.
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i still don't know why i'm on this road.  but if i can offer a bit of hard earned wisdom for a new year, it would be this:  if you have someone to kiss, make it count... make it real....  make it magic.